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My Story - Part I

I share many experiences and perspectives with my brother, Don Carl Quixote. Because he has written much on many topics, I will strive to limit my writing to areas not duplicated.

I too had a very rich childhood in Madison, Wisconsin... both socially and privately. One area that uniquely touched me was Native American culture... wondering if I may have been a Native American in past lifetimes.

Several blocks from our home were several Winnebago effigy mounds and lakeshore trails we called "Indian Trails". Countless time was spent on those trails or on the lake in my canoe.

Our State Historical Society (uptown) had a museum of Wisconsin history, largely dominated by Native American displays... another of my favorite hangouts.

The nearby Wisconsin Dells, a tourist center, had many Native American ceremonies my family went to.

My Boy Scout years were rich in ceremonies and ritual influenced by Native Americans. At one point, I even played the role of a Medicine Man in very elaborate weekend of testing, fasting, silence, and ritual. It had a huge impact on me. I still remember the beautiful words.

My college years found me kayaking often on a river in Menominee tribal land. We even were asked to leave once by a shotgun carrying native... and the river was later closed to outsiders.

Many years later, Spirit guided me to live in N. Arizona (Flagstaff), where I became very close (living with) two Native Americans... a Choctaw/Navajo from Mississippi and a Cherokee from N. Carolina... both with Hopi partners. Because of their Hopi connection, they took me to the ancient Hopi mesas several times for ceremonies normally closed to "white folk"... even going in very old homes without modern conveniences. I felt very honored and very connected with these people.

I also felt tremendous grief for the horrendous suffering of these people... largely at the hands of white Americans during and resulting from the "American Dream". I now feel intense drive to make amends for the vast crimes that gave me such an incredibly privileged life... at the expense of others.

I wonder if reincarnation has done much of this already... by switching roles (i.e. persecutors and persecuted) from life to life.

So how much restitution is needed for crimes of our ancestors?
Who ARE our ancestors?

My Story - Part II

 

Besides my connection with Native American culture, my youth was strongly drawn to magic, fantasy, mystery, and adventure. I had immense freedom... and used it fully. The library was my second home... along with every nook and cranny of Madison... especially the less frequented places.

Walt Disney was my hero... putting aside everything to absorb his shows and movies... even as I got older.

Another hero was Merlin... especially resonating with a trilogy by Mary Stewart that felt absolutely real to me.

Like my brother, I loved "dreams come true"... and found myself part of many such miracles. Yes, I was very naive about the tedium or suffering that gripped most people... only catching up to me years later when I hit MY mid-life crisis. When it hit... it hit BIG.

Suddenly, I became excruciatingly aware of how rich a life I had experienced compared to most others... and perhaps at their expense. Every social inequity exploded in my face. My grief and confusion were off the scale.

I grasped for foundation and solutions... especially spiritual. I began with Christianity... seeking to understand the man called Jesus in a big way... especially his mystical magical side. The magic of metaphysics also drew me... seeking to master the power of manifesting miracles. Over time, I explored other forms of miracles and magic... e.g. wicca, shamanic, etc. While initially frightened by these practices, I later became more comfortable with most pagans and wiccans than I did with devout Christians. I found most of them to be very open-minded, honest, practical, and balanced... seeking no harm or force to others. On the other hand, my explorations of Christ based followers found a vast amount of narrow-minded righteousness, determined to push their ways on others... in subtly abusive ways... with the best of intentions.

Of course, there were major exceptions to all of these generalities...
in every conceivable flavor.

Years of intense searching has brought me far more questions than answers...
wondering what is really needed for humanity and how it can best be achieved.

Are all our horrendous struggles and conflicts part of a divinely orchestrated symphony?
Or do we need to confront and transmute these conflicts to dance and harmony?

If we do need to confront...
how can we do it with love and respect?

Can we weave our vastly polarized beliefs into a dazzling tapestry of color?
Can we overcome the biggest adversary of all...
us?

Weaving Magic, Dreams, Spiritual, and Secular

Despite fear and suspicion of magic and miracles, most people have a deep longing to break out of practical mundane lives. Movies and television are the chief channels to these fantasies. Books, religion, and addictions are a few others.

Dreams and hopes often get shattered... causing many to retreat into "safe" havens that numb their pain and fear with spiritual narcotics (e.g. blame, avoidance, self-pity, etc.).

So where is the balance between reality and fantasy?
Do we know what reality is?

I've been more hurt and deceived by those most sure of "right" and reality
than by dreamers, "loonies", and unorthodox doers.

After years of trusting credentialed leaders and teachers,
I now wonder if THEY are ones who are least connected with reality...
whatever it is.

In any case, there's a big part of me
that would much rather live in the child's world of wonder, awe, and glee
than the mainstream world of ego, intellect, and control.

Even Jesus alluded to this.

One of my favorite books ("Screaming Hawk") weaves Christianity, Shamanism, and magic in a marvelous way...
a Shamanic Jesus as a lead figure.

What are the limits of magic and miracles?
What are the dangers?
What are the responsibilities?
What do we need?

Magic, Science, and God

Science and technology largely replaced magic and God in the 20th century...
with technologists becoming the magicians and hi-tech toys and money becoming God.

Major upheaval is now challenging this structure
as many are finding lack of fulfillment in their materialistic lives...
and disenchantment with the concentration of power and structure
in business, finance, and government.

Many are looking for higher fulfillment through spirituality...
seeking connection with more meaning, purpose, and life.
Ironically...
magic, science, and God are rapidly converging to a coherent union

Responsibility and Freedom in Participatory Democracy

Responsibility is key to freedom.
Without it, freedom turns to chaos
then tyranny...
where the tyrant is within

 

If we wish true freedom, true democracy, true peace, and true joy...
we MUST learn and master true responsibility.

Then...
we will fulfill the dreams of our founding fathers
and...
the dreams of our founding father/mother/creator

"Health, wealth, and happiness" they decreed

We've made progress
But we're far from the goal
as measured by divine standards

What ARE divine standards?
What IS our goal?

 

 

The first step towards freedom:
embrace divine laws of karma, balance, and responsibility...
We sow what we reap.
There is balance in all things.
We are responsible for our reality...
either causing or allowing.

The second step:
transcend spiritual poisons...
blame, punishment, righteousness, arrogance,
clinging, guarantee, self-pity, and avoidance

The third step:
forgive, trust, appreciate, and love...
even enemies

The fourth step:
make amends...
to restore balance

 

Let freedom ring
Let freedom ring
Oh Great Spirit
Let freedom ring

 

 

So what does this new land of liberty look like?
What is our role?

What is equality?
What is harmony?
What is love?

Equality must rise to a higher level
of equal opportunity
to earn unequal freedoms

Harmony must draw from nature
to create divine beauty
and balance

Love must ascend to the heavens
seeking new heights
for this elusive holy grail

Then...
we may soar with the eagles

 

Equal Opportunity
to Earn Unequal Freedoms

 

Equal opportunity...
the flag of freedom
the cause of wars

Much we have battled over this...
in our homes
in our world

And the fight continues
to maintain our freedoms
and opportunity to grow

Yes, we have erred
swinging from tyranny
to enabling

Yes, we have blamed
the tyrants
and the laws

Yes, we have whined
when faced with truth
and its awful discomfort

Are you ready to change...
facing the tyrant of tyrants...
YOU?

 

What if...
we create a system where our rights and freedoms are earned
according to divinely inspired measures and standards?

What if...
we evaluate each other
to award such rights and freedoms?

What if...
we apply this to every walk of life...
e.g. home, business, government, and more?

What if...
we grant opportunity EVERYWHERE
to earn such rights?

Are we willing to pay the price?
e.g. giving up entitlements, blame, self-pity, and self-importance

Are we willing to do the work?
e.g. learning, forgiving, helping, and loving

Are we willing to face our fears?
e.g. change, uncertainty, discomfort, and embarrassment

Making Amends

Many have discovered the powerful healing in making amends (e.g. twelve step groups).
But do we really understand how... and what is really needed?
What about damage done by groups or nations we belong to?
What about our ancestors?

Without fully understanding karma, reincarnation, balance, and other natural laws,
making amends can easily turn to poisons...
blaming, punishing, victimhood, righteousness, and more.

Humanity has massive work to do on this...
beginning with learning.

Karma, Reincarnation, and Other Natural Laws
How many understand them?
Do we need to?

I believe that a better understanding of natural laws (e.g. karma, reincarnation, balance)
would be the single most important motivator of individual and planetary transcension.

When people truly understand the consequences of their choices on their own future...
massive change will result.
I would love to see examples of cause and effect made more clear to all...
both pro and con.

Big opportunity

Divine Standards, Measures, and Goals

Divine standards, measures, and goals...
Do they exist?
What are they?
Where are they?
Who is qualified to judge?

What a marvelous possibility...
a step towards
Heaven on Earth

Can we achieve this?
Are you willing to try?

 

Intellect and Ego
vs.
Faith, Grace, and Love

Modern America glorifies and rewards intellect, ego, power, and bravado.
However... it is leading us towards severe imbalance, conflict, and destruction.

Perhaps it was needed...
and it does have its place

But the pendulum is close to maximum

We need new balance
with faith, grace, and love

Many are trying
through feminine based principles
intuitive thinking
feeling and loving
believing and trusting

Many are succeeding
despite ridicule and attack
chaos and rules
denial and fear

Why has our immense level of intellect and wealth
failed in so many fundamental areas
creating more problems
rather than less?

Might we need a new way?

Deception and Betrayal -
Their Deadly Impact

Just reading these words of deception and betrayal deflates my energy.
After living almost forty years in relative trust and love of everything
I felt betrayal crush me from all sides at once
from those I most loved and trusted...
spouse, employer, nation, and God.

The pain and confusion were overwhelming...
continuing for years.

Even now...
almost two decades later, the pain continues
sometimes even worse
as I continue to awaken to truth

I would alternate between
grief and rage
confusion and searching

I came close to giving up many times
when even God seemed cold and absent

But there was no way to quit

The words I used with God
tested the limits of unforgivable sins

Yet...
from the depths of despair
emerged a tiny seed of hope
released by the fire

Perhaps fire is required
for the greatest of transmutations

Failure and Shame -
Seeds for Suicide

Even worse than betrayal by others
was my hurting or betraying others...
without even realizing it

I now have immense compassion
for those who have been crippled by shame
and why most numb the pain
with more destructive behaviors

And I've become acutely aware
of how ineffective most treatments are
at resolving the core issues

I am absolutely committed
to find a better way
for all

Fact vs. Fiction
Structure vs. Freeflow
Truth vs. Myth

 

"Those who are most sure of being right
are most likely wrong"
-Cosmic Christ

 

My perspective of reality has totally exploded and imploded over the last fifteen years...
now questioning everything I learned, believed, and did.

Even what used to appear absolutely solid and right
now appears most elusive or wrong.

I see rules, structure, proof, and scripture
used to justify, hide, twist, or numb
genuine truth...
and life itself

"How smooth must be the language of the whites,
when they can make right look like wrong, and wrong like right"
-Black Hawk

Are we willing to open our minds and hearts
to new ways
new truths
contradicting truths?

Perhaps paradox
must become a way of life

Transmuting Failure to Victory

""Our biggest problems are our biggest opportunities"

 

Who in history do you admire most?
What events most improved the world?

Were they elegant and smooth?
Or filled with faults and failures?

What made them so successful?
Can we learn from them?

I Have a Dream

 

I have a dream...
a dream of all dreams
a dream of all time

It is a dream for all people
a dream for all life

I dream of homecoming
to be with our source

I dream of gratitude
for our magic Mother Earth

I dream of reconciliation
with those we hate most

I dream of Heaven
becoming one with Earth

I dream of dreams
that most call foolish

I dream of laughter
that only fools know true

I dream of life
where enemies dance together

I dream of love
that only God knows well

Who among you
will step off this cliff
to test your new wings
and let faith be your lift?

Who among you
will look deep inside
to find your true longing
and no longer hide?

Who among you
will face the true foe
that hides deep within you
deceiving you so?

We've run out of band-aids
to cover the wounds
We need true renewal...
rebirth from The Womb

It's time to dream big
leaving nothing untouched
to make even God proud
of this unruly bunch

We can transmute all
if we truly desire
changing mountains to molehills
and hills into fire

We can live out our fantasies
if we truly believe
for reality is changing
like leaves on a tree

We can transcend all limits
and soar in the clouds
if love be our basis
and light be our crown

I have a dream
a dream of all time
It needs other owners
It's not really mine

It belongs to ALL people
to shape, shift, and climb
I'm only a seed
So Seek   Sew Strong   Sow Sublime

 

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